I was over at his place on Monday when his friend D called. She is going through a nasty divorce and calls crying to J and he drops everything to talk to her. Instead of being gracious to me his guest he mimed for me to leave. I felt like the other woman in my own relationship. So after I dealt with my anger, I sent D a message on Facebook saying I'd like to talk to her. I just wanted to get to know this woman as she was apparently more a priority than myself.
Maybe I was wrong in doing this. I don't know, but I don't like secret relationships in a relationship. Apparently my actions caused her to defriend him on Facebook and cause a riff between them. When I told him we needed to talk. He opened with "What the hell were you thinking sending her that Facebook message?" He was more upset at losing her than the possibility of losing me. Right then I knew. I knew where I stood with him in his priorities. I told him that I had met his other friends and I just wanted to get to know her. If we were to get married then I need to meet his female friends. Harmless or not, she was a secret. He told me she was a "safe person" to talk to about his feelings about his divorce.
I'm unsure how I'll handle seeing him again as he was seething mad at me. I get his anger but he is unable to see my point of view as well. I waited 15 months before asking to meet her. I think that was more than reasonable. Maybe I was out of line. I don't know.
I hurt. I slept maybe 3 hours last night. I'm not sure I want another relationship anytime soon. We'll see.